Laughter is the best medicine
I was just listening to the late great Mitch Hedberg and he is by far one of the funniest comedians of our time. His rapid fire jokes, voice, and witty delivery make him so entertaining to listen to and watch. He died a few months ago, before everyone really got a chance to hear his stuff. If you haven't I really insist on you sampling some of his mp3's or buying his cd's (Mitch All Together, Strategic Grill Locations).
Some of his jokes:
-Have you ever seen the size of Pringles' containers? They look like tennis ball containers. I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles was a laid-back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut 'em up."
-I was in downtown Boise, Idaho, and I saw a duck, and I knew the duck was lost, 'cause ducks ain't s'posed to be downtown. There's nothin' for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop, I said, "Let me have a bun." But she wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said that I had to have something on it. She told me it's against regulations for Subway to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves ain't supposed to touch. So I said, "Alright, well, put some lettuce on it," which she did. She said, "That'll be $1.75." I said, "It's for a duck." And they said, "All right, well, that is free." See, I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the Steak Fajita Sub - but don't bother ringing it up, it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
-I like the FedEx guy, 'cause he is a drug dealer and he don't even know it! And he is always on time.
-This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one fucking complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be a bitch. The mailman will get shot to death, the envelope will not seal, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. Good luck fucker.
-All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in shit. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "You got Big Macs?" "Nope ... we got spaghetti! ... and blankets."
-I had a box of Ritz crackers and on the back of the box of Ritz crackers it had all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. It said "Try it with turkey and cheese." "Try it with peanut butter." Oh, c'mon man, they're crackers. That's why I got 'em — I like crackers. There ain't no suggestion: "Put a Ritz on top of a Ritz." I didn't buy 'em 'cuz they're little edible plates.
There's just so much more. He definitely will be missed. posted by psychobabbler @ 11:46 AM
